jinxme6988

Mon, 30 Aug 2004 01:32:51 GMT

so where do you go
when here is so dull
the only sharp thing
is the yearn for anything new
when the people are the same
just in different costumes
with different details
but you cant leave
escape to somewhere else
because
youre just a crash dummy too
in your own ridiculous costume
with your own pathetic details
as if anything could make you more
more then transparent
at best
to anyone real
so youre stuck
baried in your own trivial drama
that keeps you occupied
in all the gaps where you feel
alone
but one day
youll dig yourself out
and the only thing left here
will be you
so leave
and run to a place
where the sharp objects
are real
and cut farther down then skin deep

Fri, 06 Aug 2004 03:00:39 GMT

its weird being connected
by a string, fragile
and translucent
strung by a invisible spider
that leaves us dangling
spinning away
alienated in are blind eyes
blurred by intentions
and obscured by agendas
and to us
if the light hits the web
just perfectly
it disappears
leaving us falling
cascading down and out of focus
but then the perspective shifts
and the string swings
tempting us with the thought
that it was never really gone
or making us question
if it was ever really there

Fri, 30 Jul 2004 01:56:47 GMT

a double helix of diversity
answers the prayer
for a savior
not a lord
but better
a futile hope of someone beyond
who lays beautifully
unaffected
by society or the joke
we call culture
who can see the truth
plainly
without bull shit bias
created as an excuse
to inadvertantly segregate,
a scapegoat for cruelty
in a way to quiet to be barbaric
to profound to be inhuman

yeah i dont know...

Tue, 27 Jul 2004 19:36:16 GMT

man mt airy.
these kinda entries are going to get old, i know.
but to come back to Carroll County when u were somewhere so much closer to perfect, its a kick in the ass.
even the people i didnt really talk to there,
it's weird not to just see them around hobbling up the hill
or running on the weiner.
and for once i wish people read this just so i could say bye to all the people i didnt get the chance to, or didnt for some reason.
and the worst part is, i know in like a month, it will wear off.
and all the stuff that happened there, will probably fade.
and all the sudden motivation i have in being better probably wont turn into anything.
because i can already feel myself slipping
slipping back here. grimy and smelly with smoke and cow poop and at the carnival the everpresent stink of peoples BO
people who i know i judge to much
that dont deserve any of the names i think of them, subconsciously now.
its weird because i used to think i wasnt like that.
but how can i not be
when everything around me is that
im stupid to have ever thought that i
or we were one of the only few things different
yeah we dont chew tobacco or raise confederate flags
but we judge the people that do

Mon, 26 Jul 2004 21:47:27 GMT

i miss saranac more then i thought i would
but most of all i miss all those syracuse kids.
and tubing, even tho it made me feel like pooping.
and saranac ball, eventhough when i didnt have my gameface on, i sorta sucked lol.
so to keeping the memories alive lol...yo ha bro ha....

frustrateddd

Fri, 09 Jul 2004 02:52:55 GMT

im not going to right in here anymore
not when its all just empty.
and when its all just bullshit.
maybe someday when i can actually write something
something that isnt vacant
and fake and useless

well till then i guess.....

Tue, 29 Jun 2004 01:10:19 GMT

dont talk about stuff that isnt any of ur business.
and dont pull me into it. and dont get somone who actually has the balls to say it to peoples face to spit out all ur opinions, when he is to nice to ever say stupid shit like that himself. fuck u if u think ur arent fake.

where do i get all these rashes? lol

Mon, 14 Jun 2004 23:19:29 GMT

dont read journals if u never comment, even if its anonymous. i havent showered since...tuesday. ughhh. im going to go do that right now. maybe.

Hearing the words that choke memories into flatlines
I'm calling your name
I'm hoping for something to wash these dreams of you away

Sat, 12 Jun 2004 23:42:08 GMT

sry i havent updated in a while. not like anyone reads this anyway.everyones the same and everyone is practiced. i cant explain i dont really get what i am saying either i just know it makes sense to me somehow.dressing up and then going out to eat is not a good idea. fuck r stupid luck.lol

yeaa

Thu, 03 Jun 2004 20:43:06 GMT

not like anyone reads this, but the comments on ejsters journal, not cool. ecspecially because the people who wrote them couldnt even say who it really was.it reminds me of middle school when the guys always said mean shit to everyone, but then didnt have enough balls to act like it was them.it doesnt matter tho julie is cool, and so what if shes jewish. god always gets me when people act like thats bad. hahahaha u weird jewish girl, its alright ill forever be crack attack.

scratchy and swollen

Thu, 03 Jun 2004 20:29:29 GMT

and i thought i was to punk rock for poison ivy.

Fri, 28 May 2004 02:35:57 GMT

tonight was so good. everything.im tired. goodnight all. 2 many fun times in one night.

Wed, 26 May 2004 02:35:12 GMT

2 much survey to do. i dont like giving presentations. ughh. thank god there isnt to many kids in my class or i would have to worry about people hearing me stutter and get red. it feels like it should be friday. it feels like that a lot though.good luck kayla on yo license, dont fuck it up fuck face.

Tue, 25 May 2004 01:10:21 GMT

hfs was fun.im so mad we missed taking back sunday.ah.o well i guess we have to go to warped.this morning was rough i dont think i want to talk about it though.i hate people that lie and exaggerate. cant believe we got hit by a car at 711 hahahahaahaha.

i need a map of your head, translated into english
so i can learn how to not make you frown

Sat, 15 May 2004 22:07:17 GMT

my face is so red. sunburn.

Sat, 15 May 2004 02:04:49 GMT

by:kayla
1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.-colie cause i kno u hate it
5. What was your first impression?-i think she read really well
6. Do you still think that way about me now?-yea i guess
9. What makes me happy? someone
11. What reminds you of me?-a fucking jumping bean
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?-a car
14. When's the last time you saw me?-2 seconds ago
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?-maybe
16. Do you think I could kill someone?-maybe just hurt them badly
17. Describe me in one word.-ha
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?-i dunno its good
21. If I was an ice cream flavor, which would I be and why?-vanilla with rainbow sprinkes cause ur fun haha i dunno
22. What song reminds you of me?-i kissed a drunk girl
25. Would you make a move on me?- dont i always
26. Do I cross your mind at least 2 times a day?-of course
27. What Stripper Like qualities do I posess?-ur sexy dance moves
29. Whould you ever date me?-no
*I look like...
*When I think of u I think...hahahaha
*u smile...a lot
*If I were to write a poem about u it would be about...funny times
*How did we meet...good ol MAE
*What is our best time you can remember that we had...too many
*Would you hold my hand?...maybe
*What color are my eyes?...same as mine
*How old am i?...15
*Have a broke any bones? hearts?...yea ur arms ha hearts maybe
*Have we ever kissed?...shh
*If not have you ever wanted to kiss me?...haha no
*Would you LIKE TO BE highly intoxicated?...sure
*What was I wearing last time I saw you?...brand new shirt
*And lastly.....Do you wanna touch my butt?...duhhh

Sat, 15 May 2004 00:58:39 GMT

//10 bands you've been listening a lot to lately:
1)bright eyes
2)tbs
3)armor for sleep
4)thursday
5)i dont know...
6)
7)
8)
9)
10)

//09 things you look forward to:
1)hfs
2)summer
3)beach
4)leaving
5)not coming back
6)meeting new people
7)being tan
8)sleep
9)ski club

//8 things you like to wear:
1 brand new shirt
2)striped capris
3)sweatshirt?
4)p.js
5)i dont really care that much
6)
7)
8)

//07 things that annoy you:
1)u and her
2)everything
3)being bored
4)being lonely
5) loudness
6)liars
7)fakeness

//06 things you say most days:
1)fuck
2)holla
3)like
4)im going to kill her
5)this is disappointing
6)it just came out

//05 things you do everyday:
1)eat
2)laugh
3)complain
4)gag
5)sleep

//04 people you want to spend more time with:
1)kayla
2)julie
3]sam
4)

//03 movies you could watch over and over again:
1)loe and basketball
2)the cure
3)old school

//02 of your favorite songs at the moment:
1)i want a loer i dont have to love
2)i want you

//01 your favorite memory:middleschool/skiclub

Three things you are often complimented for: my fucking teeth
You get embarrassed when: a lot
What upsets you: a lot

Yes or No...
-You keep a diary: no
-You like to cook: no
-You have a secret you have not shared with anyone: yes
-You're in love: noo
-You set your watch a few minutes ahead: dont have one
-You bite your fingernails: yesss
-You believe in love: yes

Who is...
-The prettiest person of the opposite sex you know: the kid in kaylas gym class
-The weirdest person you know: my neighbor
-The Loudest Person you Know: marisssa
-Your close friends are: kayla, julie, sam, ej, marissa
-The Person that Knows the Most about you: my friends all 4 of them
-Most Boring Teacher: everyone

What is...
-Your most overused phrase on IM: lol
-Last image/thought you go to sleep with:sexxxxxxx
-Your best feature: my large nostrils
-Inside joke: lol a lot.
Do You...
-Take a shower everyday: no
-Think you've been in love: yno
-Want to get married: yes
-Have any tattoos? no
-Get motion sickness: only hwen i think about u
-Think you're a health freak: nooo
-Get along with your parents: not to much

What Do You Think of when You See the Name...
-Ryan: tj bc he scares me
-Rob: pratt
-Drew: dick
Will: karalees throat
-Stephanie: broom
-Heather: cripple
-Aaron: jess
-Amy: uzzo
-Paul: david
-Eve: adam
-John: kaylas cousin
-Alex: lauren
-Justin: paar
-Jamie: martin
-Ricky: warner
-Jack: hunts brother

Screen Names: jinxme1905
Sign: gemini
Natural Hair Color: brwon
Current Hair Color: brown
Eye Color: shit

Your Favorite...
-Number: 8
-Color: green
-Day: sat
-Month: june
-Song: a lot
-Food: chinese
-Season: summer/winter
-Drink: smoothie
-Veggie: corn

Preferences:
-Cuddle or Make Out:just doing it
-Chocolate Milk of Hot Chocolate: milk
-Milk, Dark, or White Chocolate: milk
-Vanilla or Chocolate: chocolate

In the Last 24 Hours, Have You...
-Cried: nope
-Helped Someone: no
-Bought Something:yes
-Gone to the Movies: no
-Gone out for Dinner:yes
-Said "I Love You": no
-Written a Real Letter: no
-Talked to an Ex:no
-Missed an Ex:no
-Written in a Journal: this one
-Had a Serious Talk: yes
-Missed Someone: yes
-Hugged Someone: yes
-Fought With Your Parents: kinda
-Fought With a Friend: kinda?

Last car ride: today
Last kiss: today....my mom
Last good cry: awhile ago
Last library book checked out: soemthing i havwnt finished
Last movie seen: teh cure
Last cuss word uttered: fuck
Last beverage drank: water
Last food consumed: pretzel
Last crush:that kid in gym
Last phone call: mom
Last TV show watched: i dont remember
Last time showered:today
Last shoes worn: reef
Last CD played: bright eyes
Last item bought: snow cone
Last downloaded: awhiel ago wings of azrael
Last annoyance: a lot of stuff
Last disappointment: myself
Last soda drank: coke
Last thing written: this
Last key used: i dont know
Last words spoken: i dont feel like doing this
Last sleep: last night
Last IM: i dont know
Last ice cream eaten: cookie dough
Last time amused: like every 10 seconds
Last time wanting to die: like 10 minutes ago...and wehn kayla o screamed today
Last time hugged: awhile ago
Last time resentful: a lot
Last chair sat in: computer
Last lipstick used: chapstik
Last underwear worn:bathing suit
Last time dancing: every weekend
Last poster looked at: adam<3
Last web page visited: this one

1 MINUTE AGO: laguhing
1 HOUR AGO: doping this
1 DAY AGO: bored
1 WEEK AGO: marissas
1 YEAR AGO: bored

I HURT: a lot
I LOVE: uuuuu
I HATE: uuuuuuuuu
I FEAR: spiders and tj
I HOPE: i become nicer bc u know what i am thinking kayl
I FEEL: blah
I HIDE: from 2 much
I DRIVE: not enough
I MISS: being young
I LEARNED:disappointment
I NEED: a life
I THINK: im to judgemental

Thu, 13 May 2004 02:22:20 GMT

i only like about 4 people. and i think only about 2 like me. hmmmm

Mon, 10 May 2004 20:37:29 GMT

today is hot it feels good.my dad is still covering the trees with cicada protectors. haha.they arent getting to r fucking trees bitch.

Sat, 08 May 2004 21:26:20 GMT

i lost my wallet. fuck. my learners. i suck.

Fri, 07 May 2004 02:58:56 GMT

get out of the car kayla
ahahaha

my foot is itching so bad but i cant itch it because it tickles
i hate that

and i hate how u r in the bahamas and im not
and how i wont get to talk to u and i was mad b4 u left

fuck this i need to shower and sleep
having to run to the bus every morning makes me look like a faggot

Thu, 06 May 2004 01:45:51 GMT

what the hell
why do i even bother

blah blah blah

Wed, 05 May 2004 04:03:14 GMT

no sleep...
ive got so much homework left to do

all i want is my bed and headphones
better get er done

gnite

Wed, 05 May 2004 01:40:04 GMT

no more late nights at all
i thought i was dying this morning
i couldnt look in the mirror...knew it wasnt going to be good

we used to be so close
what the hell happened...

o well

Tue, 04 May 2004 03:58:18 GMT

wish there was someone on to talk to.
i feel stupid talking to this thing.
blah blah blah
i cant sneeze i hate this feeling...

I want to rise to the occasion, yeah, meet all of their demands
But all I do is just lay in bed and hide under the covers
I know I should be brave
but I'm just to afraid of all this change.
It's hard to focus through all this doubt
I keep making "To Do" lists
but nothing ever gets crossed out

bright eyes really does sound best at night

conor oberst is making all these thoughts whirl around in my head
weird how some bands sound good when u first listen
then the more u listen, the worse they sound
and some u hate
but then the more u listen the more u appreciate almost

allys talking now she kicks ass at talking

lonely at my house where i think eveyone is snoring but me and my dad, dont know where he is
tomorrow morning is going to hurt...
cant wait
i am excellent at wasting time and doing nothing
everyone pretty much sleeps at the same time
that cant be natural i bet people would sleep for days, i would
its weird how we all do the same thing and then act like were so different

well i should stop pointing figures